Day 22

Yesterday:

Margerita pizza on whole wheat tortilla with tomato, mozzerella cheese, basil, and olive oil
3/4 of a meatball sandwich, some fries, flatbread with dip

But two people mentioned yesterday about how I've lost weight, so I must be doing something right.

Today:

2 pieces of dry toast - 200

Day 20

2 pieces of dry toast - 220

I'm not going to exercise today (again x_x ) because I woke up so late. I fell asleep around 6am and then woke up at 1:40, so it's way too warm to do anything strenuous. But I'm going to try and keep my calorie count down. Dinner is, after all, only a few hours away and then I'll satisfy myself with small snacks if I need them later. I need to get to bed earlier x_x

Tomorrow: maybe hanging with Curley and going to see Charlie St. Cloud with Blake at, like, 5pm. It's gonna be fun. And nice to be around real friends. I'm still trying to get over this whole Chase thing. I will say, though, I am feeling SO much better :)

Day 19

Taco Time - 1200

1900. That's not TOO bad, actually.

Soft tacos are my new favorite thing, though. Which is bad. But they're SOOOO good.

Should exercise tomorrow. Might be hanging with Curley on Wed, with Blake at around five, and having a Hipster training day with Taylor Westerlund. It'll be nice.

Day 19

Some Tots - 200
Oatmeal - 500

700. That's not bad.

Haven't exercised today, but I've been moving around, packing stuff for college, throwing things into the laundry, etc.

Day 18

Today was better. Don't have a solid calorie count, but I only ate three or four Red Vines, a bagel, a little more than a serving of rice, some of my dad's cream of mushroom with beef stuff, and some milk.

So Chase and I are no longer friends. After I explained to him every reason why he had hurt me, he texted me back and said that I was being accusatory, that I was just trying to hurt him, and basically, that my feelings meant nothing to him. And I texted back (with Natalie's help at figuring something out to say): "You know what? I just realized that I don't need you anymore."

I'm going to mourn the end of this friendship and the end of the good part of our relationship (from kindergarten to before the end of junior year), but I deserve better, I have better, and I will find better. So it hurts, but I feel relieved and liberated. That's the first time I've ever said something scathing over text :) Natalie helped me.

But yeah, I have real friends. And Chase and I just grew apart. I feel like I grew up, and he didn't, in the realm of friendship and emotional maturity. And our friendship had been good. Great. Amazing. But he's not that person anymore and neither am I, and I need something different. So I don't feel too awful.

Day 17

2 bagels - 600
150 calories of soup - 150
Chocolate milk - 370
Red Vines - 200
Nilla Wafers - 300

... I'm such a bad person... ugh. I've been eating like shit because I've been going out with friends and just hanging out and seeing Shakespeare (which has been awesome) but eating like hell, and I feel so gross and disgusting, and even though Blake's mom asked if I'd lost weight, I feel like I haven't. I feel like I've GAINED weight. I feel awful. I look awful. And even though I KNOW it's nonsense, I feel like I'm awful because of it.

I just... I feel ugly. And gross. And disgusting. Like no one would ever want to touch me. v_v And I don't know how to make myself feel better.

Day 16

I failed yesterday. I had hella a lot of Red Vines x_x

Today:

Exercise: 28:57 min, 5.5 incline, 3.1mph, 234 calories burnt.

Seeing Othello tonight :D

Much Ado was amazing. Tim Gouran came over and said hi and hugged me before it started, the entire thing was AMAZING -- when Claudio prostrated himself on his face before Hero, my heart sang, and when HE sang at Hero's tomb, I fell in love -- and then we all went around to the actors, getting pictures and giving them Red Vines. They were so excited about the Red Vines, lol.