>_>

I don't know if I can do this. I just don't want it enough. I would rather have a brownie or a second bowl of cereal than be a smaller size. But at the same time, I feel like I'll be missing out on life if I'm not skinny, that my life won't be complete, that I won't be able to be happy, if I'm not thin. But I've never been thin, so I have no idea what I'd look like. But then again, I don't think any decent-looking guy will ever look at me if I'm not skinny.

Call me shallow (I know I am) but I want to be with someone who's an amazing person, inside and out. Being with someone handsome is important to me. Is that wrong? Because honestly, if I'm going to get it on with someone, I want them to be good-looking. See, I told you: shallow.

And the only way to get someone good-looking is to be good-looking myself. I'll be honest with you right here, I'm nothing that special. I don't have pretty, sharp features or a defined jaw and chin or a thin face or anything like that. My face is really fat, and my forehead dominates my face. I'm nothing to write home about, but if I had a nice body, maybe that would help?

And I know these aren't the right thoughts to have, but this is how it feels, and these feel like the real rules of life. I feel like crap right now.