Day 43 (even though it's technically 44 already)

1 bagel
< 1 Luna bar
< 1 tall vanilla steamer
Buffet food >.<

I had waaaay too much dessert and waaaay too much dinner, but I suppose it sort of (?) balances out because I didn't get up until noon and then didn't really eat. But I walked for fifteen minutes on the treadmill and then walked for an hour and twenty minutes with Taylor, so... yeah. I'm walking another 30 min. tomorrow, too. I'm getting up earlier, though. My messed up schedule is not going to be good for when I have to go back to school.

Speaking of which, I need to finish my homework. I'm so lazy, lol.

I'm still really depressed. Thinking of leaving the house makes everything constrict inside. I just want to hide in bed all day tomorrow, but I can't because I have work at 6. I even decided to not go to the movies with my friends because I'm just so depressed and I don't want to see anyone and I don't want to have to talk to people. It's probably good that no one reads this, otherwise my friends might get mad at me, lol.

I still really hate the way I look, though. I don't feel good in any way, though I can sometimes forget about it. During the day, I usually feel fine because I'm not thinking about it because I have a million other things I need to do. But now, at night, when there's nothing else to think about... ugh.

I just feel like an entire waste of space. I don't feel like I have anything to contribute to the world, like I could never really be anything, like I could most certainly never be what I want to be. I mean, seriously, I aim too high. I'm just not good enough for the things I want. I feel so mediocre. So average. So worth forgetting.

I don't know what's up with me. I mean, I do, I guess, but I just don't think it should affect me so much. I feel like I should be fine, and because I'm not, that's a sign of egregious weakness. It's a bit demoralizing, really.

I don't know. I just feel crappy.