Day 32

Ehhh... I haven't been doing too well, I don't think. I've been moving around more because of work and stuff, pushing carts and stretching to reach the top shelves and whatnot, but I don't feel like I've cut down enough on my food intake or exercised enough. Well, I KNOW I haven't exercised enough. But my jeans are looser, even when I take them right out of the dryer, and I admit, I looked damn good in my dress for jazz choir (someone took a video and I saw and I didn't think I looked fat at all... thicker than, say, Melissa, but she's uber thin). I just had a little freak out when I saw Cornell requires a swim test and two PE classes, but I'm like, forget that! I can do that swimming, and I want to take a survey ballroom dance class. I'll just need to find someone who will take it with me who's a guy because you can only sign up as a couple. And I'm thinking about taking a general health class, like, how to be healthy and whatnot.

BUT I did ask Arianne if she would walk around North Bend with me. That'll be exercise and hanging out AND Arianne, who I love! :D

I just need to exercise more and find ways that work for me. I'm thinking about getting an exercise DVD or something. Maybe when I'm down in Issaquah tomorrow getting Pride and Prejudice and Chase's gift I'll pick one up. I DO have money, after all :D

I just want to be hot when I go off to college and be a completely new person. I want to be thinner and healthy and confident in the way I look and be able to be a bit less conservative and still be comfortable. I don't want to change when I go off to college, I'm always going to be me, exuberant, enthusiastic, cheerful me, but I want to feel like a sexy version of me. I'm so excited for college -- nervous and a bit worried, too, and I know I'm going to be so horribly homesick -- and I just want everything to be awesome.

I was really stressed out this past week, and I had a horrible time of it. My parents wanted me to apply to more schools, but I couldn't because of the deadlines and how much time stuff took, and I don't know anything about the schools they wanted me to apply to, and it took a ton of tears (not in front of my mom and dad, though, just my mom earlier in the day) and a bit of a shouting match to get them to back off, but I'm glad they did. I had a horrendous day the day after they told me they wanted me to apply to more schools. My hair was frizzy, and I wore jeans and a sweatshirt, and I was tired and lethargic all day. I totally failed a CI test I took, on a different note (D+ *cringe* but it only brought my quarter grade down to a B+ and my semester grade is still an A).

It was just a bad day, but then my parents backed off, and I got my stuff for Vassar and Cornell sent off today, and so I don't have to do anything other than send in my financial aid stuff. Today was a better day.

But yeah... I need to try harder to exercise and eat better. But I've stuck with this idea for a long time, so I think there's something to be said for that.