Another Day 1

You know what bugs me about all of this, more than anything?

The fact I feel like I'm doing this absolutely alone. I really have to focus on the food myself and pick and choose among what we have at the house because my parents and my brother aren't focused on losing weight. And I have no one to motivate me (other than me) to do exercise. I really feel alone in this. And I don't really want to ask any of my friends to do some sort of exercise with me because then we'll be hanging out... but it'll be about me exercising. It won't be about us hanging out. It's frustrating.

And I don't even know what kind of support I'd want, you know? I don't even know if I want someone to exercise with or someone just to comment or send me a message on facebook or something with some sort of encouragement and reminder that I'm not a worthless person just because my body isn't nice-looking. I think that's what I need most, though. That no matter what, if I lose sixty pounds and have a normal-looking body or if I only lose one or two, I'm not a bad person. I'm not a loser. I'm not going to fail at life.

And I'm so frustrated and exhausted with politics. I love politics. I can't stay away from them. I'm even watching right now, The Nightly News with Brian Williams. I watch clips of Anderson Cooper 360, and I watch with religious fervor The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I need to read more news online, and I want to get the Economist, but I feel reasonably informed. More informed than a lot of people. But all of the politicians (except for a few, namely the senators from WA)... they're so full of it. They sit around, dither about, and they don't make the decisions that need to be made. There are some pieces of legislation that have come about in the last two years that I am happy about, that I think were a long time in coming. But there are so many more things that need to be changed and done better. And it's frustrating because no one really seems to care. A 98% incumbency rate isn't helping, either. Get elected once, get elected again, it seems like.

I don't know. x_x

But back to the point. I feel fat. I feel like a waste of space right now. I feel like I'll never be sexy to anyone and that I'll never FEEL sexy. It sucks.

Hm. I need water.

I'm going to try to eat as little as possible for dinner. I'm not really hungry right now, though, which is good. But dinner won't be for a while. So... I don't know.