7/15/2010

1 Schwann's brownie - 400
2 servings of Chex cereal - 220
Milk with that - 300
A few bites of pasta - 300
2 pieces of dry toast - 160

I feel crappy and horrible today. I feel fat and gross and disgusting. I haven't really been focusing on losing weight in forever. It's hard. I don't want to exercise. And I don't have anything fun to watch because I usually watch TDS and TCR with my walking because the two episodes together is 40 minutes (and I usually fangirl over a few moments by watching them several times over).

I feel fat. And horrid. I want to buy some dance exercise videos because I feel like I'd like them, and all three that I want together would be eighteen bucks, but we're tight on money this week. Maybe over the weekend after payday. And it's really hot outside, so walking any time during the day after 11am is impossible because the garage gets so damn hot.

And I want to lose a ton of weight, but I only have a month until college, and I'm fat and ugly and my face is all scabby and red, and I don't know how to take care of my hair, and the shampoo/conditioner 2-in-1 I have is crappy as hell, and I want to get another kind, but we're tight on money, as I said, and I've been staying in my pajamas and not going outside and not doing anything other than being on the computer, and I feel like a freak and a loser.

I'm humungous.

And what's been really been bugging me lately is (aside from my exhaustion with politics) the fact I'm so independent. I really am. I don't confide in people a lot, I don't need constant companionship, I'm not really the dependent person. And it makes me wonder if I'll ever feel okay with the idea of a relationship. Or sex. I have issues with sex, and I've never even had it. Ugh x_x I wish things were simple.

And I really, REALLY don't want to go to college. I started to cry a little when I saw a K-Mart commercial today for dorm stuff.